Do No Harm

Do you remember the game of telephone we played as a kid? At the beginning of a long string of people, someone whispers a short story about someone or something to the person next to them.

Then, the story is whispered to the next person. When the tale is whispered multiple times around a circle, the final story barely resembles the original one.

Is that human nature?

It might be.

Maybe humans tend not to repeat things exactly, and that’s fine when it’s harmless, like how much salt to put in a recipe. But it’s not okay when someone speaks critically about someone or something, and it gets spread around.

This week, a situation arose about a horse and how it might be better trained by a mutual acquaintance. Again, it was all unknown and not positive, to say the least. I had no idea if what he said was true or not, but it felt yucky.

I was talking to someone else this week who asked for my advice about handling a touchy situation.

It was a good conversation, and then, out of the blue, my friend began to make up stories about another person’s intentions. I was so surprised. Would she suggest that imagined story to someone else?

When something disparaging is said about anything or anyone – a horse, a person, a facility – whatever – it can stick like glue to the brain of the person hearing it.

It can make a lasting impression that’s unfair to the original person, animal, or thing because it’s either untrue or not the whole story.

We can’t do anything about what is told to us, but we can manage how we respond when we hear things we don’t know to be true.

Critical comments should not be repeated in most instances – especially if we’re unsure if they are true.

When I hear things, I do my best to let them go and not repeat them. I fall way short of perfection, but my consciousness is growing.

Remember the facts of the game of telephone? When the story reaches even the second or third person, it’s somehow convoluted.

It’s also painful to be on the receiving end of that stick, but that’s another story.

A great rule of thumb to live by (and I’m a work in progress) is to go by my impressions and ideas about almost everything unless I seek out the information or opinions of someone I trust.

What do you think?

Please comment below and let me know.

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Comments

19 Comments on Do No Harm

  1. Mary Kay Russell on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 1:13 pm

    2. Yes, yes and yes!!!

  2. Christine Smith on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 1:34 pm

    3. Barbra, what you are recounting here, is something we all need to be reminded of…to be our own person with our own thoughts, and to basically, not gossip or listen to gossip. It is often something hurtful, and may not even be true, or it is distorted ‘information’.

  3. Merry on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 1:39 pm

    4. This is perfect and a good reminder to always be gracious. Thank you.

  4. Belinda on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 1:41 pm

    5. This happens very often. The people being talked about can be damaged forever by others false words. Their reputations , their social circles, and because of lies and untruths. It is so very hurtful. And many times the hurt can’t be repaired.

    I am glad you brought this up, Barb. It reminds us to not be apart of this. Don’t contribute to it. Stand up for the person being talked about.

  5. Ann Shriver on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 2:08 pm

    6. So true , I try to stay in my own lane. There is so much gossip going around in the horse world. Always best to stay out of it.

  6. Dicki on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 3:09 pm

    7. That is a great post and reminder. Let us all do better.
    Thanks, Barb!

  7. Brenda Brown on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 3:38 pm

    8. We all need those kind of reminders.
    Thank you!

  8. Harolyn on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 4:39 pm

    9. I think you are Spot On!!! Thanks for constant reminders to be kind, gracious, positive & forgiving!

  9. Tom Neel on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 6:33 pm

    10. I totally agree with what you wrote here! That a reason that I don’t allow for any drama in my life!

  10. Lynda on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 9:46 pm

    11. Like: “Immigrants are eating the dogs and cats in Ohio!”

  11. Mark Mahnken on Sun, 29th Sep 2024 10:08 pm

    12. I always evaluate each person place or thing being gossiped about for myself. If I find it not true then I reconsider the source. Dad always taught me to read between the lines. Grandpa my roping mentor taught me to see things coming before they get here. “Somebody seen them a comin”. Talking about horse purchases. Just keep doing what is true and right and the rest will take care of itself. Ride for the horse not your own glory. I’ve been nearly ruined by false gossip. A true narcissist can be a destroyer.

  12. DeAnna on Mon, 30th Sep 2024 2:06 am

    13. Yes, Belinda! I like that. Stand up for the person being talked about. I’m going to try to remember to bring up the best I know about a person.

  13. DeAnna Ball on Mon, 30th Sep 2024 2:32 am

    14. Thank you for graciously sharing this important quality which makes life around each other so pleasant in the barn, workplace or home. I find myself guilty!

    Several years ago I decided to quit my habit of sharing my opinion about how I thought someone’s actions or ways could be improved. It just seemed so satisfying to let my feelings out. But I remembered Thumper’s comment in the old Disney movie Bambi, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

    It was hard, but the more I only said only the positive, the more peace I felt. Surprisingly, I realized that whatever the other person was doing really made a lot of sense and I enjoyed their company so much more.

    We are all in this together. When we compromise someone else’s good name, it brings us all down.

    Barb, you pulled at my heartstrings again, like you have many times before. Thank you!

  14. Carolyn Peckham on Mon, 30th Sep 2024 12:25 pm

    15. Thank you Barbara! Well said! So important!

  15. Dave Knorr on Mon, 30th Sep 2024 7:56 pm

    16. Your message is important, Barb.

    I have been one of those who have participated in those types of conversations. A few months back, I made a personal decision to stop. Decided not to participate in conversations that were going in that direction. Now my go-to response is to say nothing. Absolutely nothing. Initially it felt awkward but I’m getting more comfortable with it as time goes on.

  16. Kim D on Tue, 1st Oct 2024 7:19 am

    17. God bless you Barb. There is nothing about you that would “ invite” this type of conversation.
    My rule of thumb … wait a minute… I can’t take credit but God can. There is a verse in the Bible that talks about taking our rebukes directly to the person IN PRIVATE. If you are not brave or kind enough to do so …. Zip it.

  17. Angie Schindler on Tue, 1st Oct 2024 8:37 am

    18. This is a great topic and so unfortunate that it happens. We should all be braver to stop it in its track when brought up. Direct that person back to the person they are speaking of or say nothing. We need to be kind. We are not in the shoes of the other person. I think most people are doing the best they can. Maybe it falls short in our mind but it is likely the best they can do at that moment.

  18. Monica on Tue, 1st Oct 2024 10:23 am

    19. I usually comment that I prefer not to judge or comment on a situation or person unless I have my own first hand experience of it. What you shared is so true, and can have damaging effects.
    Even with this personal belief when I hear negative comments they will on occasion still hang on in my mind and I tend to be more cautious and less open when meeting that person and I have to deliberately shelf that info to keep an open mind. I try to be mindful when speaking of others and I tell myself if I don’t have anything nice to say than I shouldn’t speak it at all- and that is far harder to do than it seems, but constantly working on it, helps to build a good habit of it.

  19. Diana Vold on Wed, 2nd Oct 2024 12:21 pm

    20. This is so true & easy to fall into that habit if you’re around people that do that! I walk away but must admit “if they think/say that about that horse or person what do they think of me or my horse” we all need to be positive & supportive, like the saying goes “if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all”.

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