“As You Grieve, Rest”

I often hear this advice when people are grieving, “Just stay busy.”

I very respectfully disagree. Or shall I say, I did not choose that route for myself after our son passed on.

Here’s why.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned from my Personal Performance training, is to teach ourselves to adequately recover our energy.

We always think of “training” as expending energy (like time in the saddle, or physical exercise). Of course, these things are important … but equally important is resting after we go for it. Resting is when you grow.

If we go, go, go and do not rest, we get weaker, not stronger.

Without rest you burn out.

And the rest needs to be enough to fully regain the energy that was expended initially.

I also learned in my Personal Performance training that everything that applies to our bodies also applies to our emotions.

Because I had been trained in these concepts, I knew that when Zane passed on, I had to rest. My emotional energy expenditure was off the charts.

So, I did. And that’s not really like me, normally.

But I knew from my training that I had experienced a huge emotional trauma, as we all do when we grieve. I had to be gentle with myself. I had to give myself time to begin to heal my emotions.

For me, this was one of the most valuable things I did for myself to begin my healing journey.

I also rested with my horses. I would go to the barn and just smell them; put my face in their necks; touch their soft noses; or saddle up and just walk. All of these things gave me peace … and some rest.

If you are grieving, I urge you to be kind to yourself and take the time you need to rest to support your healing journey … if even in moments. You will grow stronger, not weaker.

Peace, comfort and rest …

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24 Comments on “As You Grieve, Rest”

  1. sherry on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 8:23 am
  2. This is beautifully written, so true … there’s something about horses that is so invisibly healing. I, too, had to rest after a very difficult time in my life.


  3. Barbra Schulte on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 8:36 am
  4. Thank you, Sherry.

  5. Mary Beth Puryear on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 10:12 am
  6. Your words are such a comfort to me. I just wanted to let you know that you have been a blessing to me.

  7. Barbra Schulte on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 10:45 am
  8. Thank you, Mary Beth. Blessings to you.

  9. Noreen Whyte on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 12:16 pm
  10. Thank you for sharing Barbra. You have been a huge support to me over the past year. I needed to be reminded to rest right now. Thank you again.

  11. Barbra Schulte on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 1:22 pm
  12. You’re so welcome, Noreen. I’m glad you’re resting. Be gentle with you. (-:

  13. Bobby Hunt on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 4:20 pm
  14. Very good words, I find that if I try to rest my brain doesn’t agree and it is taken over with sadness. If I can stay busy it seems to help. Time goes by so slow, seems like yesterday.

  15. Cyndi Guinn on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 7:49 pm
  16. As usual, very thought provoking. You are such a gift to so many people.

  17. Barbra Schulte on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 8:39 pm
  18. Thank you, Cyndi. Hugs.

  19. Barbra Schulte on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 8:40 pm
  20. Much love to you and Jamie, Bobby. One good thing is to know you’re not alone.

  21. Sandy Crow on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 8:54 pm
  22. Thank for sharing your wisdom.
    In 2015 I lost my 4th generation beautiful palomino rodeo mare as we began our wpra goals.
    It took a year to bond with my twin mares as just didn’t have the heart to try again. They helped me begin again, then last year I lost my Mom totally unexpected. In that recovery of grief for my Mom, I took last year to just walk breathe and ride enjoy them and their love trust giving of themselves. It’s such a personal journey.
    I truly appreciate and value your posts
    Thank you Barb💜

  23. Candis on Mon, 19th Feb 2018 9:26 pm
  24. Thanks so much . I’m going to share your thoughts with my daughter in law who has lost her only child 9 months ago. She too is a horse lover

  25. Barbra Schulte on Tue, 20th Feb 2018 8:58 am
  26. Thank you, Sandy and Candis. (-:

  27. Sue McLaughlin on Tue, 20th Feb 2018 11:48 pm
  28. Thank you for addressing this. Grief is a process and your perspective is very helpfull. My sister passed away 2/11/2018. My thoughts have run in a million directions for so many reasons

  29. lin on Wed, 21st Feb 2018 1:04 pm
  30. great advice as always Barbara…I’ve been through a lot of grief. Having lost a couple of great horses. but also a lot of my family @ all ages. and it is a grieving process. thank you for such wisdom & compassion in your words of sharing. you are truly appreciated.

  31. Patricia Roy on Thu, 22nd Feb 2018 1:09 pm
  32. This is so true, you definitely need to take that time to rest and rebuild energy. I fought my grief for months, was pushed to go back to work to “Take my mind off of it”.Six months later I lost it and could not cope. I gave myself that time to grieve after and spent it with my horses who were my saving grace. It will be 20 yrs this year since my 17 yr.old son died and I still have my moments, but now I focus on all the wonderful times I had with him and I listen to his laugh in my mind and picture his beautiful smile and find comfort.

  33. Barbra Schulte on Thu, 22nd Feb 2018 1:19 pm
  34. Thanks for your comment, Patricia.

  35. Cindy on Mon, 26th Feb 2018 8:49 am
  36. Thank you! Barbara

  37. Barbra Schulte on Mon, 26th Feb 2018 10:08 am
  38. You’re welcome, Cindy.

  39. Joanne Routhier on Tue, 10th Apr 2018 6:48 am
  40. Hi Barb – I’m so saddened by the loss of my Sister just a few weeks ago. I have the honor of personally knowing you and have followed you since. You share your grief as it is a personal experience and help heal others, like myself. Thank you for your GIFTS in all that you do. I am inspired in starting a Healing Program with my Horses as we know how majestic and healing they truly are.
    Joanne Routhier ~ Alexandria, ON ~ Canada

  41. Barbra Schulte on Mon, 16th Apr 2018 2:13 pm
  42. Hi, Joanne,
    I’m so sorry about the loss of your dear sister. Hugs and blessings to you. And now, what a light you will be in the world helping others heal. I wish you all the best. Sorry it took a while for me to respond. All my best to you, Barb

  43. Lu Lee on Mon, 23rd Jul 2018 10:49 pm
  44. Just to write is difficult. I lost my brother, Feb 23, 1989-to homicide. Just to write it.
    There are time that I don’t think of it
    then you loose a dog that was so special and the grief comes back.
    thank you for your gifts-knowing that someone has experienced grief helps
    the best time is with my horse and working on my skills
    thank you

  45. Barbra Schulte on Tue, 24th Jul 2018 11:36 am
  46. So sorry, Lu … I’m glad you’re here.

  47. Edie Watt-McDonald on Mon, 8th Mar 2021 9:30 pm
  48. Thank you Barb
    I really needed this tonight I was having a bad day and I stumbled across this I lost my 2nd son 3 weeks ago I haven’t rested since now I know I must rest Thank you your heaven sent to me

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