“Sweet Clarity”

A couple of days after Zane’s service, my husband and I got in our Dooley truck and headed out from South Texas to New Mexico. We had no particular place to go. It just felt like going to New Mexico would be soothing. It was … or at least as soothing as anything can be in those first few days after his service.

I remember sitting in the truck, waking up from a short nap and feeling like a big dark see-through veil was hanging all over me. I now understood why some cultures have traditions requiring a widow to wear a veil over her face. I felt like I could touch my invisible veil. It was so heavy and it felt so real.

But I did see a light through that black veil. It was a poignant one for me. I became crystal clear about what was important to me in my life. God, expressing love consistently to family and friends … and appreciating my horses for just being who they were (not always what they could do for me) … and being true to myself were top priorities … and still are.

As heartbroken as I was, I vowed to live with that sweet clarity because I knew somehow it would help me live a more peaceful life by melting away things that could worry me unnecessarily from time to time.

That has been almost 16 years ago. Now, when I do find myself entering into uncomfortable, entrapping circles in my head, I think about Zane and what’s really important to me. I make every attempt to return to living with that awareness so I can let go of the turmoil.

That sweet clarity has been healing for me … and it’s a gift that enriches my life now.

Have you had this same experience?

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Comments

4 Comments on “Sweet Clarity”

  1. lin on Fri, 10th Jun 2016 5:58 pm
  2. yes, I do know…too many times I’ve been heartbroken over & over. not really understanding the fullness of the situation @ the time. and even still haven’t understood. I have been through so many losses, humans & animals. But one thing I know..My God will never leave me nor forsake me. I feel like Paul sometimes. I know what it’s like to have a lot & I know what it’s like to have little. But the peace comes from KNOWING HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE MIDST OF THE STORM & WHO IT IS THAT GETS ME THROUGH every time. I have grown. And I have also come to know what’s important in this life. Love, Joy, Peace, Family, Friends & our 4 legged friends. thank you for all the wonderful testimonies. you have such a way of making me feel important again. you are such a blessing. LH,TX/

  3. Barbra Schulte on Fri, 10th Jun 2016 7:22 pm
  4. Thank you, Lin. So beautifully written. Blessings to you, Barbra

  5. Francine Allyn on Fri, 10th Jun 2016 7:44 pm
  6. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Your words are a reality check.

  7. Carol MacGregor on Sat, 11th Jun 2016 12:55 am
  8. Thank you again Barbra for sharing your heart and wisdom you’ve gained from those early days after your beloved Zane’s passing away. You are right about having some clarity about what is really the most important things in our lives. Our families are our gifts, and so are our horses. Just returned home after attending our yearly “horse expo” here in Northern California, and got to see amazing horsemen (clinicians) giving us more insight into how to train these beautiful animals, and how they are made. They truly are a gift from God!!

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