“When I Think of You, I Feel Love”

It’s been a tough few weeks. Two different families I know quite well, lost a son. Another family lost a 9 year old daughter. A neighbor is nearing the end of his life in hospice.

As you well know, as we comfort others in their grief, we often revisit our own grief.

The good news is that hopefully we are more compassionate than ever because of our own experiences. Of course, it is never easy, but we understand the power of just being by someone’s side.

I had an interesting experience just a few days ago.

Where our son, Zane is buried is only a mile from our home behind a country church on a country road.

The other day, I needed to turn around in the church parking lot to try and circle back to meet someone.

When I pulled into the parking lot, in the distance, at the cemetery, I saw the Mother of one of the teenage men who had recently passed on. I was drawn to her like a magnet.

I walked over and hugged her. We talked for a long time. It was one of those God moments when He puts people together. It was just the two of us. So private. So personal. So unlikely to meet like that. So encouraging for both of us.

I told her that in my experience that over time, the gut stabbing pain would lessen but not the love or the missing. I wanted to let her know that for me at least, although there was no way around walking through the murky waters of grief (and so necessary in whatever way was best for her) … in time she would feel some relief from her pain.

I hope our time together provided even a molecule of healing and encouragement for her.

As for me, I still mourn for my son. I always will. I miss him to the moon and back. But now, when I think of him, I feel more love than sadness. I always did feel love, but now his memory is not buried in sadness.

Wherever you are my arms are hugging you in cyberspace. I stand with you in your journey. I hope the pain is lessening a tiny bit more each day and the love is shining brightly.

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Comments

8 Comments on “When I Think of You, I Feel Love”

  1. lin on Wed, 17th May 2017 4:27 pm

    2. thanks Barbara…as always you give such compassionate wisdom. I have lost many members of my family. including animals. just last Oct. my mom passed on to the other side with daddy, my husband, horse & numerous other loved ones. I miss her everyday & the holidays are always the toughest. especially mothers day as her bd. was the week before & we always got together @ her home to celebrate. like you said, I have a peace as I know where they are & yes, I will definitely see them again. But everyone deals with grief differently. I just refuse to stay there in it & trust God. Life is so full of surprises & we never really know when our moment might be. time or age is not a factor. I love the Lord with all my heart & thankful I know Him personally. I do believe the conference would be a fantastic idea as there are so many grieving people & they just don’t know how to get over it. horses & humans. as always, thank you so very much. God sure gave you a ‘VERY SPECIAL GIFT OF COMPASSION’.

  2. Mary Beth Puryear on Thu, 18th May 2017 6:16 am

    3. I feel as though your message was heaven sent, at just the right time. Thank you for your inspiration and encouragement…

  3. Barbra Schulte on Thu, 18th May 2017 9:45 pm

    4. You are welcome, Lin. Thank you for your kind message.

  4. Christy Berkeley on Fri, 19th May 2017 6:13 am

    5. My husband passed away just about a month ago, after years of battling colon cancer. I am still in the intense, gut-stabbing time, panicky, almost, the anxiety is all but unbearable. I know that without God’s help. I will not get through this to the other side. Your post was very timely, I have to hope someday not to feel this horrible. This is intolerable. I’m so, so sad, and have no optimism about my future. I have regrets about his passing, decisions that seemed the right thing at the time, that now are regretful mistakes. I can’t seem to let them go, give myself the benefit of the doubt. I’m planning to move to another farm across the state, the sadness here at our farm is unbearable. I haven’t ridden my sweet horse in months.
    Thanks.

  5. Barbra Schulte on Fri, 19th May 2017 6:58 am

    6. Hugs to you Christy. One breath at a time. Kone thought is that we all do our best at any moment in time. That is all we have. Sometimes in retrospect it was perfect, other times perhaps if we had a magic wand we would change it. But one thing is for sure, we can only do our best in any one moment. My warmest thoughts to you.

  6. sally labree on Tue, 30th May 2017 8:12 am

    7. thank you Barbara, A message I needed to hear(and need to hear over and over) at a time I needed it. You help me move on. Blessings.
    sally

  7. Stacy Neef on Tue, 30th May 2017 10:04 am

    8. I HAVE LOST A PARENT, GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS, UNCLES, AND FRIENDS. IVE LOST BELOVED PETS AND HORSES. I HAVE NEVER LOST A CHILD, OR A SIBLING.

    MY HUSBAND LOST A SON IN 1976. HE STILL MOURNS THAT LOSS. I AM NOT SURE HE HAS, OR CAN, FILL IT WITH ENOUGH LOVE OR HAPPY MEMORIES TO EASE THE SADNESS OR FILL THE VOID. THIS HURTS MY HEART AS I HURT FOR HIM.

    LOVE AND PEACE TO YOU ALL WHO SHARE THIS JOY, AND HURT.

  8. Susan on Sat, 15th May 2021 7:57 pm

    9. You are not alone in how you feel. I lost my mom after a long illness. And when I’m hurting, I question the decisions I made. But in reality I did the best I could in those moments. And so did you. We are our own worst critics. Like Barb says, we have to be gentle with ourselves.

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