A Question About Grief

Last week I did a video about no resistance to challenges, and it was really more about the kinds of things that come up as we’re riding, say, bad weather, the ground, judges, someone’s comments – those kinds of things.

It could also be our own inner voice saying detrimental things.

I was thrilled to see the comments and hear from you. I love that and I always know what’s ringing true for you so thank you.

One of the comments asked how does that idea apply to grief? I thought that was a really good question.

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AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:

Hey, it’s Barb.

Last week I did a video about no resistance to challenges, and it was really more about the kinds of things that come up as we’re riding, say, bad weather, the ground, judges, someone’s comments – those kinds of things.

It could also be our own inner voice saying detrimental things.

I was thrilled to see the comments and hear from you. I love that and I always know what’s ringing true for you so thank you.

One of the comments asked how does that idea apply to grief? I thought that was a really good question.

It’s one that’s really close to my heart. How does that no resistance idea apply to grief?

I want to put things in two big buckets.

One is, on your horse at the show at the clinic, at home, or wherever, with friends and things just come up.

Grief is different. It’s a look at the heart of someone’s personal life experience,

By life experience, I’m talking about what we think about when we wake up at night, how we think about our abilities, our belief in ourself, what we love, if we think we’re on the right track.

When someone or an animal passes or we lose something that’s so dear to us, it puts us in a tailspin. It can be unlike any other pain we’ve ever experienced.

I do have a belief in general for my life that goes like this – no matter what the experience is, there’s always a gift in it or gifts in it.

There’s always something good in every experience- more wisdom, more strength, more courage – if we look for it. That’s the key for me for riding over time in the midst of pain – to have that belief and really look for it.

It’s not to deny the pain, or the experience, but it is to walk hand in hand with acknowledging – I am in pain and at some point in time, I’ll understand more or I’ll see something about this experience, how it’s helped me.

In my experience with our son Zane, that belief was a big strength for me.

Now, our family is currently going through grieving a loss of one of our dear, dear family members.

It surprised me again about how hard grief is and how painful it is.

That’s a long answer to the no resistance question and how it applies to grief.

I don’t think grief is the same application or the same kind of life experience as what we talked about last week.

So thank you for the question and thank you for allowing me to express myself on this topic cause it’s one that’s really important to me.

I’d love for you to leave a comment and share your thoughts. Have a great week. Bye-bye.

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Comments

8 Comments on A Question About Grief

  1. Ardith Tregenza on Sun, 6th Apr 2025 1:17 pm

    2. Hi Barb,
    Thank you for the important work you do and your help (equestrian and life success skills) and support of so many. You are so very generous and a real life shining example of what you teach and offer after coping with one of the hardest losses anyone can experience.
    You are amazing! ❤️ Thank you!
    Best,
    Ardith
    (Salinas clinic 2018ish)

  2. Tassie Corbett on Sun, 6th Apr 2025 1:41 pm

    3. As always, so much wisdom and understanding to give. I do believe this is true. Resistance and acceptance are both parts of healing from grief. If we can find that acceptance in ourselves eventually you will find the gift. Thank you Barb for all your words, written and spoken, they have helped to heal my heart.💕

  3. karen bladergroen on Sun, 6th Apr 2025 2:31 pm

    4. Thank for your comments about the application to the “no resistance mindset”. I truly enjoyed and found ways this past week to put this mindset into practice at the barn.
    I found myself listening today about your share on grief and loss. This topic is close to my heart both personally and professionally. As a licensed professional counselor and art therapist I have worked with many people that are deeply impacted by loss. For the last 5 years, I am working as the bereavement coordinator/counselor for a Pediatric Palliative Hospice Group. This role has deeply challenged my beliefs about how parents work with the loss of a child. I am also no stranger to personal loss. Your comments meant a lot to me. As I prepare to offer our first equine therapy experience to the siblings of these children I am hopeful that what I have experienced with my horses and so much more will be available to them. thank you

  4. karen bladergroen on Sun, 6th Apr 2025 2:31 pm

    5. I found myself listening today about your share on grief and loss. This topic is close to my heart both personally and professionally. As a licensed professional counselor and art therapist I have worked with many people that are deeply impacted by loss. For the last 5 years, I am working as the bereavement coordinator/counselor for a Pediatric Palliative Hospice Group. This role has deeply challenged my beliefs about how parents work with the loss of a child. I am also no stranger to personal loss. Your comments meant a lot to me. As I prepare to offer our first equine therapy experience to the siblings of these children I am hopeful that what I have experienced with my horses and so much more will be available to them. thank you

  5. Joanne Milton on Sun, 6th Apr 2025 3:12 pm

    6. Very well said…grief can be complicated. It is different for everyone & is often different in each situation. No two losses are the same. It sometimes takes a while, but each time you go through it, it CAN build your own resources…just keep looking for the gifts!

  6. Shawn Smith on Sun, 6th Apr 2025 11:17 pm

    7. When i lost my Son it took every ounce of confidence i ever had. Your online Well connected course helped me get back to riding my horse. I dont know if i will ever feel like there is any gift in my grief but thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

  7. Lucille Menzies on Mon, 7th Apr 2025 7:02 am

    8. Having lost my husband, I, too, have experienced grief. A family member who had lost her daughter (the daughter was a freshman in college) to an auto accident said to me at my husband’s memorial service “You never get over the loss. You just start to live a different reality.” This implies you continue to hold the lost one in your heart, but get on with your life. Thinking about it, I got a mental picture of walking from one room (where the lost loved one was with you) through an open door into another room where they aren’t with you. But the door remains open and you can “see” what used to be while at the same time being and living what currently is. (If that makes any sense.) That has really helped me through the years.

  8. Barbra Schulte on Mon, 7th Apr 2025 12:56 pm

    9. Thank you all so much for these beautiful words. So helpful. 🙏🏻

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