Managing Self-Consciousness in Lessons

In this video I discuss a friend’s experience of feeling self-conscious and distracted during a private riding lesson with a trainer she admired.

Her feeling is natural due to our innate desire to connect and be approved by others.

I then suggest a simple tool for handling such feelings: asking oneself what one’s job is at that moment. In this case, my friend’s job was to gather information and feedback.

I introduced the concept of “pinging” (recently learned by Dr. Stephanie Burns), which involves directing one’s brain to focus on something specific—in this case, hearing and integrating the trainer’s information into the ride—undistracted.

I emphasized the importance of setting an intention to tune into the experience’s purpose and integrate the feedback received.

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AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:

A friend of mine asked me this question this week.

But before I share my answer, here’s a little background.

She went to one of her favorite trainers to ride with him, and it was a private lesson. She was very excited and greatly admired him for how he teaches and for his kindness, clearness, helpfulness, and support.

But when she was there and riding with him, she felt self-conscious and distracted from being present with her horse and taking in his instruction.

So that’s what we’re doing here – talking about managing self-consciousness in lessons.

We can all relate to what she said because of our innate desire to connect with other people, to care for them, for them to care for us, for them to like us, and for them to approve of us. We’re hardwired for that as humans.

So that’s what I mean when I say it’s natural.

And while it was a great luxury to have his undivided attention, it is almost like he had laser vision! We imagine someone seeing every little flaw and maybe being judgmental.

And, of course, that’s the farthest from the truth.

Great teachers see what’s working, and then they see the next step we can take to help us in our weaker areas.

My friend knew why she was there and knew all that rationally, but she wanted help to sort out her feelings of distraction and self-consciousness.

A straightforward tool that can be very useful is asking ourselves, “What’s my job?”

At that moment, her job was gathering information to get feedback on what she was doing well and what she could do to keep improving.

I will tell you about this fun fact I learned from my friend, Dr. Stephanie Burns.

We can program our brains in a fun way; she calls it ‘pinging.’

Pinging is telling our brain to pay attention to something.

We can say, “Hey, brain, I want you to pay attention and take in the feedback I’m getting without judgment. I just want to hear it and integrate it. So, that’s what I want to pay attention to.”

When other thoughts arise, or someone else distracts me, I want my brain to say, “Thank you, but no thank you.”

In other words, I will program my brain to take in the information I want and leave the rest.

I’ll relax and take a breath. I’ll keep breathing; I’ll listen and feel my horse, and I’m going to play with the ideas. When appropriate, I’ll get clarification if I don’t understand something.

But my only job is to tune into the purpose of why I’m there.

In this case, the purpose was information and feedback – not to be my close circle of support.

That’s the job of a spouse or a good friend.

She could tell herself, “I’m not there for their approval. I’m there for the information. Before and as I ride, I will set an intention to ping or tune into the information I desire to learn, letting it come into my mind and body and integrate it. To the best of my ability, I will allow that ongoing information to soak in, incorporate feedback and understanding, relax into that cycle, and take in what this experience and mentor offer me.”

So there you go. It’s about directing your brain to be clear about an activity’s purpose, get grounded, and set an intention about where you will focus your attention.

When something distracts you, say to yourself, “Thank you, but no, thank you. I’m here to take in information, relax, hear, see, respond as best I can, and learn.”

Okay, enjoy. I hope that’s helpful.

I hope you have a great week. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

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