We all have a story.
I wish I could sit with you and hear your story.
This is Part 2 of my story about ways I discovered that helped me heal the pain from the loss of our 16 year-old son, Zane to cancer.
Specific pain: I longed and longed to find a way to stay connected to Zane in the absence of being with him physically.
Solutions: Not so specific … but they grew to be meaningful … and soothed my missing him until I see him again.
What I’m about to say is no new news.
We all yearn for connection … connection to a spouse, to a friend, to a group, to our business partners, to barn buddies … to our children.
It’s in these special connected relationships that we can be ourselves. We don’t have to pretend.
In the loss of our dear son, that physical connection was ripped away.
But, the heart connection was still there.
I bet it’s the same for you.
I still wanted a real connection to him, even if the style of it was new. I needed to find a way to experience a new relationship.
Here are some of the ways I discovered a new relationship with Zane. For these ways, I am truly grateful,
Immediately after his passing, I talked to Zane daily at the cemetary. I drove to that country place and I would sit on a bench my husband, Tom placed there. I talked to him.
I did that for about 6 months, because it comforted me. But then, I didn’t have the same desire to go there everyday.
Then some things occurred that gave me great comfort. I knew that he was near. I know it may sound strange to some people. All I know is that I could feel his absolutely hilariously funny and fun loving nature around me from time-to-time.
One night I had a different kind of dream in which he came and told me he was okay. He said he was helping cancer kids. He hugged our entire family. Then he said he had to go. He looked fabulous.
I also began to see 44s everywhere. Forty-four was Zane’s jersey number in high school football and basketball. He signed his emails, Z44. I lcherish seeing 44s. I see them often. I always think he’s saying, “Hi, Mom.” Z44 became our brand.
But the biggest part of my new relationship is knowing I will see him again. I always use the analogy of a kid at Christmas. I know when I see Zane again on the other side, I will be smiling from ear to ear. And this gives me huge comfort.
He is only out of my physical sight for a little while. I’ll be a good girl and do my job here until I see him again there.
In the meantime, I have my relationship with him here. I talk to him. Sometimes I feel him … and I always smile when I see the number 44.
These things have helped my healing journey. They have been hugely important for me. Zane’s not gone … gone. We just have a different relationship now.
I hope these ideas are helpful to you. I’m sure you have your own ways of staying connected in your heart to your loved one.
In this article, I “put myself out there”. I think, though when we share openly and honestly, we help each other.
I wish you comfort and peace. I would love for you to share your story. Just click the link here.