Riding Real
  

“Just Stand By My Side”

Recently I was in a gorgeous spot in Montana. I was rendezvousing with friends and teaching, so it was a combination of work and play.

One of the new people I met asked if I would have breakfast with her. The purpose was to get to know each other better and perhaps explore doing some kind of event in the future regarding women, horses, mental skills training and horsemanship.

We met over a lovely breakfast and began chatting. Within minutes somehow the subject of Zane came up and I shared with her about his passing. I truly cannot recall why or how I mentioned him.

She looked at me with big tears in her eyes and said she was leaving the next day to go to the funeral of one of her daughter’s best friends, a young man who had been living in their home for the summer. Her daughter and the boy were lifelong friends … the boy next door friend.

He had recently passed from tragic circumstances. The woman herself was grief stricken and heart sick. But most of all, she hurt for her daughter who was struggling terribly. She didn’t know how to help her.

I shared with her one of the things that helped me through the toughest parts of my own grief … and something I now strive to do for others who grieve … and that is … just stand by them.

One of my closest friends, as well as my family did that for me during my darkest days after Zane’s passing. And they still do.

They didn’t try to fix my broken heart. They didn’t feel pressure to find some kind of magic words that would make it all ok for me … and for them. They were just there for me through texts, cards, emails, lunch invitations and phone calls. I didn’t have to share what was on my heart if I didn’t want to. There were no demands on me to be or say anything other than what I wanted to be or say.

That is the best support of all. Just having someone there so we don’t have to go through the valley alone. Of course, our horses are awesome at being a steady source of strength. They too allow us to have dignity in our sorrow. They stand by and steady us while we find some footing to stand firmly on our own again.

It has been healing for me to aspire to be that kind of person for others, too. I love how giving and receiving are such a sweet partners in a healing circle.

At breakfast that morning, my new friend and I never left the conversation about what was transpiring in her life. Somehow it helped me to stand by her.

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Comments

7 Comments on “Just Stand By My Side”

  1. Rob on Tue, 16th Aug 2016 1:43 pm
  2. Very well said, and so very true.

  3. Phyllis Jess on Tue, 16th Aug 2016 5:10 pm
  4. Barb………….this was good for me in thinking how to comfort friends thru their grief…..my good friends daughter committed suicide this spring before graduating from HS…..it seems we as friends want to do ‘more’…….I just send her encouraging quotes ever once in a while………..another friend dying of cancer………what do I say? Just Stand By Her Side….I send her quotes ….seriously I pray to GOD to tap me on the shoulder when to send and what to send………….this is so good to know….we just need to Stand by Their Side………..Thank you for sharing from your heart…………Love and prayers, Phyllis

  5. sherry on Tue, 16th Aug 2016 6:49 pm
  6. I’m a firm believer that the best gifts in life are free, and giving of yourself, being a pillar for someone to lean on in weakness is a perfect example of a priceless gift … you are so awesome, an inspiration to so many, Zane is so proud of his mama +

  7. Star Roberts on Tue, 16th Aug 2016 7:56 pm
  8. Yes God tells us to cry together an laugh together. Just having a kind heart of support is amazing. You are a blessing.
    God Bless You.

  9. Arlene PEARCE on Wed, 17th Aug 2016 1:03 pm
  10. I remember the phone call from a friend who lived away from where we were, about six months after our son, Hugh, died. She just said she had been thinking of us and wanted us to know she was keeping us close in her thoughts.
    After the first days, the funeral, the friends all gathered around, it is a special help to hear from someone months – or years – later who is still remembering and takes the time to reach out with a call, an e-mail, a note. an invitation to lunch – just to know they are still standing by us. Those gestures mean so much.

  11. Sue Wilmarth on Wed, 17th Aug 2016 5:54 pm
  12. Excellent words!

  13. sally labree on Thu, 1st Sep 2016 12:18 pm
  14. thank you for a message on exactly the day I needed it. God bless you

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